


Nothing Left To Fight For

by CelestialWolf72



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Lie Low At Lupin's (Harry Potter), M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Not Canon Compliant, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26631460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialWolf72/pseuds/CelestialWolf72
Summary: 31st October 1981.The date that changed Harry Potter's life forever. The day Sirius Black lost everything. The day Remus Lupin had to learn what it meant to keep going.My version of what happened on that Halloween night and everything that followed it; the story of how Marauders were left broken and betrayed, told through the eyes of Remus John Lupin.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I'm the type of person who has multiple fics going at once! This is something I've been writing for a while and is very different to things I usually write. It's pretty angsty and the rating might change further down the line, but will only become explicit if there's explicit smut in later chapters. I'll make sure to put warnings if there's anything potentially difficult to read but this is the story of Halloween 1981 so will not be a particularly fic. I'm still deciding whether to have a happy ending or not; let me know if you have any thoughts! 
> 
> Storyline-wise it's mostly canon compliant but obviously with a few big changes in terms of characters and relationship pairings, some of the timings of things are also a little different to the books; nothing big but just small things to fit better plot wise. It will be mostly from Remus' POV but there will be a few chapters from Sirius' viewpoint. I don't know how many, but at the moment it will mostly be told by Remus.
> 
> Take care of each other and yourselves, love to all and I hope you enjoy x

_**1st November 1981, 3:07am** _

A loud crack ripped through the silence of the empty flat like a gunshot. A tall man with a mop of golden curls, bright amber eyes and scars covering every inch of his skin, materialised in the living room of the small but comfortable flat. He stilled almost immediately, wand out, his eyes frantically scanning the space around him.

Remus Lupin had spent the last three weeks undercover with the werewolves. It seemed to be the only thing he did recently; he hadn't seen James and Lily in over a month, Peter was barely around, and him and Sirius...well, there didn't even seem to be a 'him and Sirius' anymore.

There was a war on, things were different now it was bound to happen. They weren't children anymore, able to steal moments of levity and happiness, safe inside the walls of Hogwarts. The war had changed everything; forced Remus to hide and keep secrets from his friends, recede into himself until he wasn't even surprised that Sirius didn't trust him anymore. Sirius had become angry, distrustful, comfortable only around James and Lily, barely speaking to Remus at all since Harry's first birthday. It had all been coming on for a while but there had definitely been a shift in the past few months; a move away from the idea that they were in this together and into suspicion and distrust. The whole Order was looking for a spy but it had even infiltrated the Marauders tight knit group to the extent that Remus was sure even James was starting to doubt him.

In a way he could understand it; he was the obvious choice. The werewolf with too many secrets; sent on mysterious missions by Dumbledore that he couldn't tell anyone about. Even Sirius didn't know where he went every few months, Remus told himself he was doing the right thing, that it was keeping Sirius safe but lately he wasn't so sure. He was spending months on end with feral werewolf packs seemingly to no purpose, it was easy to see why he was the instant target of the Order's suspicions.

Easy for anyone who didn't know him. The Marauders knew him, _Sirius_ knew him. Better than anyone else in the world, Sirius knew how much Remus ached for a normal life. How he would give almost anything to be human; good and boring and _normal_. How Sirius could think him the spy he didn't understand.

The war was taking everything from them; their trust in each other, their hope that they would ever come out the other side of this, even their love for each other. Remus knew he loved his friends, knew he would until the day he died, but he could feel himself drifting further and further from them and he felt trapped with no idea how to fix it.

Remus glanced around the empty room now, eyes narrowed and heart beating fast. There was no sound in the flat but he could feel that something had changed; there was something about the place that felt different. The flat was completely still and silent; all the curtains open despite the darkness outside, and not a single sign of life.

Remus felt himself start to panic as he strode across the living room and into the tiny hallway, pointing the wand into the darkness and whispering, "Lumos."

The wand light illuminated the tiny hallway and Remus crept across it, opening his own door to check his room was indeed as empty as he'd left it, and then moving the Sirius'. He flung open the door of the room that, up until a few weeks ago, they had shared, but it was as dark and deserted as the rest of the flat.

Remus glanced around; the duvet was pulled back slightly, as if someone had just gotten out of bed, and the wardrobe doors were open, as if Sirius had just been here, rifling through looking for his leather jacket.

The uncomfortable feeling in his stomach growing, Remus looked around the room for any clues as to where Sirius had gone. It was 3am, where the hell was he? He didn't stay out late anymore, and he usually told Remus if he was going to see James and Lily, or Peter. Something wasn't right; something had happened.

His heart in his throat, Remus took one last look around the room before disapparating to the only place he thought Sirius might go.

***

_**1st November 1981, 3:14am, Godric's Hollow** _

Remus stumbled as he landed, taking a moment to regain his footing as his brain tried to comprehend the chaos around him.

There were people everywhere; wizards and witches in Ministry robes hurrying about, apparating in and out of the scene. The air all around was shimmering slightly, presumably hiding the activity from the surrounding muggles, several of whom seemed to be being obliviated by a few Ministry members.

Remus' heart was hammering in his chest as he turned on the spot to look at the Potters' house. Or what had once been the Potters' house.

It was a wreck; half of the top floor seemed to have been blasted away, bits of rubble littering the front garden and the street beyond. Smoke was billowing into the sky from what looked to be Harry's room; a crib just visible through the smoke, the cheery green walls Remus had helped James paint now black with soot.

_No, no, no-_

Remus finally managed to move his shaking legs forwards, ignoring the activity around him as he stumbled towards the house.

_No, no, NO!_

This couldn't be happening; it wasn't true. They were safe, that was the one thing that had gotten him through the last few months; they were hidden, they had a secret keeper, one who would never, ever betray them. All the pain and the worry and the loss might just be worth it because Harry was safe; James and Lily were safe, wasn't that what they were all fighting for? To keep their families safe? If James wasn't his family he didn't know who was.

Remus ignored the people and voices around him, forcing himself to move closer to the still burning wreckage of the house. James and Lily had to be here somewhere, and Harry... _oh god Harry..._

"James," Remus whispered, forcing himself to move faster, now running towards the house.

_They'll be okay, they have to be okay._

He reached the front gate, just managing to push it open before hands grabbed him by the arms, attempting to pull him back.

"Get off me - JAMES!" Remus yelled, his werewolf strength easily letting him pull away from the wizards restraining him. He stumbled through the gate and up the small garden path, pushing open the front door just as he had hundreds of times before.

He froze in the doorway.

There in the hallway that was lined with photos of James and Lily, of baby Harry, of the Marauders at Hogwarts, was James. He was flat on his back, his glasses askew on a face that was completely lifeless, hazel eyes empty. He was still in his pyjamas, he didn't even have his wand on him.

"James, no, _no_..." Remus' voice broke as he fell to his knees beside his best friend. He grabbed James' wrist, desperately feeling for a pulse he already knew wasn't there. "Prongs, please, please. Come on, James wake up, you have to _fucking wake up_ -"

His hands cradled James' face; the face he knew so well. He looked so much younger than he had these past few months; the worry and stress and grief of the war finally removed in death. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he looked like the boy who Remus had shared a dorm with for seven years, who had risked everything to become an animagus for him, who had cracked jokes and meticulously planned out pranks, who had been there for Remus during every difficult, shitty, wonderful moment of his life since he was eleven years old.

Looking down at his face, almost peaceful in death, his eyes empty and unseeing, Remus was brutally reminded of how young he was. How young they all were. Remus himself didn't feel only twenty-one; had always felt years older than his age, but seeing James now...he was _so young._

And now that would never change. He would never get to grow old, never get to watch his son grow, never get the life he deserved.

"Prongs, please," Remus whispered, his voice cracked and shaking. "Don't leave me, _come on James-"_

The words caught in his throat, the horror of what he was seeing too much. He stared down at the lifeless face, his brain refusing to comprehend was his eyes were telling him to be true. His best friend, the first person who had ever made him feel like he was worth anything, the first friend he'd ever had.

Gone.

***

_**1st September 1971, Hogwarts Express** _

Remus tried not to fiddle with the tattered and frayed sleeves of his jumper as he stared out the window, his mum was always telling him not to ruin his clothes, they had to last. The Hogwarts Express had just left Kings Cross and Remus was sat in a compartment at the end of the train by himself, trying not to cry at the thought of being away from home for so long.

His mother had taken him to Kings Cross and stared around the platform in wonder; Hope Lupin had had to get used to the more frightening aspects of the magical world since Remus was four years old, but being surrounded by it on Platform 9 3/4 had filled her with a new kind of hope for her son; maybe this world she was sending him into wasn't as awful as she'd always feared.

Remus was startled out of his thoughts by a loud crash outside the compartment and then a gaggle of voices as two boys stumbled through the door. They both looked around his age, dark haired and with matching grins on their faces. They were both already dressed in their school robes and it was obvious from the state of their clothes and their luggage that they came from money. They could've been brothers if it hadn't been for the striking difference in skin tone; one with a deep brown complexion, his hazel eyes sparkling behind his glasses, and the other shockingly pale, his black hair only highlighting the pale skin and grey eyes that narrowed slightly as they landed on Remus.

Both boys hesitated in the doorway as they realised there was someone else in the room, before the boy with glasses grinned and sat himself down opposite Remus. "Hi! Are you a first year too? Isn't this amazing? I've been waiting to come to Hogwarts for forever, my dad always says I'll be a Gryffindor! What house are you hoping to be in? Ooh I'm James by the way, James Potter."

Remus looked at the literal embodiment of excitement before him and couldn't help but smile shyly at the boy who was practically bouncing in his chair.

"Come on Sirius. This is Sirius Black, don't worry he's just shy." The boy - James - gestured to the other boy who was still standing in the doorway, looking at the scene suspiciously. When James waved him over his tense stance seemed to relax slightly and he stowed his trunk before moving to sit next to James.

"So, what's your name then?" James asked again, smiling at Remus.

"Um, Remus Lupin."

"Well, Remus Lupin, let's hope we're all in Gryffindor together, eh?" James said, still smiling, as he clapped the pale boy beside him on the back, who flinched, but James seemed not to have noticed as his attention was still focused on Remus.

Glancing between the two boys, Remus asked hesitantly, "Why would you hope that?"

James looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Because we're all going to be friends forever, Remus Lupin, you'll see."


	2. Chapter 2

_**1st November 1981, 3:57am, Godric's Hollow** _

"Remus, Remus come on now. You can't stay here." Hands, firm but far more gentle than those that had grabbed him before, pulled insistently at him from where he was kneeling beside James' body.

Remus let the hands guide him until he was standing and being led from the house; he felt numb. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't be. James; brilliant, bright, wonderful James was gone, lying dead in his own hallway.

As soon as he passed through the gate, there were people surrounding him, blocking his way. Remus looked up to see who had brought him back out, and found himself looking into Dumbledore's blue eyes, looking as grave as Remus had ever seen him.

"Lily?" Remus' voice was hoarse and he could barely get it above a whisper, but he needed to know. "Harry? Where are they?"

"Harry's safe." Dumbledore said quietly.

"Lily?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm so sorry Remus." Dumbledore said, gripping Remus' arm tightly. Remus felt himself swaying slightly, his vision blurred.

_He's wrong, it's a mistake. They can't both be gone, they just can't-_

"Remus." Dumbledore was still talking, gripping his arm in an attempt to keep him upright. "Remus, the Ministry will want to talk to you."

"What?"

"The Ministry-"

"Why?"

Dumbledore's expression became, if possible, even graver. "They need to talk to you about Sirius, but listen Remus; you must not tell them where you were, there are still spies in the Ministry."

Remus was only partly listening; of course Sirius. Where was he? Wasn't he the reason Remus has rushed to Godric's Hollow as soon as he got home, but where the hell was he?

"What do you mean they'll want to talk to me about Sirius?" Remus asked slowly, his brain only just catching up with what Dumbledore had said.

"He was their Secret Keeper." Dumbledore replied softly and Remus felt the beginnings of dawning realisation creep over him even as he shook his head, refusing to believe what Dumbledore was telling him. "There was no way Voldemort could have know where James and Lily were without his help. He betrayed-"

"NO!" Remus wrenched his arm from Dumbledore's grip and staggered backwards, staring at his old headmaster in disbelief. "He wouldn't do that! He wouldn't..."

"Remus-"

"He _loved James_ , he loved him more than anyone else in the world. He would've died before betraying James and Lily, there's no way."

"Sirius was the Potters' Secret Keeper and he told Voldemort of their whereabouts. How else would he have been able to find them?" Dumbledore's voice was firm, although his eyes were gentle. There was a small crowd gathered around them now, witches and wizards in the bright red robes of Aurors and Ministry officials all gathered round, presumably making sure Remus didn't try to run.

"Sirius would _never_ -"

"The Sirius you thought you knew doesn't exist." Dumbledore's voice was still soft but his words cut Remus to the core. "He fooled us all."

It was too much, Remus felt bile rise in his throat as he tried to process everything that had happened. How was it less than an hour since he had returned home, expecting to find Sirius curled up in their bed?

Remus struggled through the nausea, clutching onto the only thing he could properly process right now. "Where's Harry?"

"He's safe." Dumbledore said calmly.

"Good. Where is he?"

"He is with Lily's sister; she is the only family he has left and that is where he will be safest."

Remus stared at him. " _Petunia?_ Why the hell is he there?"

"She is his family-"

"She's not his fucking family!" Remus shouted, the Aurors behind Dumbledore raised their wands slightly, but seemed unwilling to do anything while Dumbledore was still talking to him. "She hated Lily! She hasn't even met Harry and now she's going to look after him? No, no way, give him to me."

Dumbledore looked at him steadily, there was pity in his eyes but his voice remained firm. "I can't do that Remus."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Harry defeated Voldemort tonight, but he is still in danger. Lily died to save him." Dumbledore said quietly. "The safest place for him is with his mother's blood."

The news that the war was over didn't even register in Remus' mind. It was all too much, he couldn't process it. The only thing he could do now was make sure he took care of Harry, he had to, he had _promised_ -

"The safest place for him is with me." Remus straightened up, glaring at Dumbledore. "It's what they would've wanted."

"Harry is not your responsibility. You are not his guardian-"

"Neither are you!"

"But Petunia Dursley is." Dumbledore continued calmly. "She is his blood and she will keep him safe."

"She doesn't care about him" It doesn't matter if she's his blood, _she doesn't care_. She doesn't love him - this isn't what Lily wanted."

"Lily and James made it clear who they wanted to care for their son if anything happened to them." Dumbledore said, his eyes sharp behind his half-moon glasses. "They put their faith in the wrong person."

Remus stared at Dumbledore, his anger boiling in his veins. "They would have made me his guardian as well if they could, you know they would have - if not for the fucking law-"

"A law which is in place for a good reason." One of the Aurors muttered, eyeing Remus with clear disgust.

Remus looked at him then back to Dumbledore, at the clear pity in the old man's eyes and felt the anger drain out of him. For a moment Remus thought about what they were seeing, what Dumbledore was seeing; a battle-scarred penniless werewolf who can barely take care of himself let alone a child. He had been living in Sirius' flat, off Sirius' inheritance. No one in the wizarding world had been willing to hire him for years and he had spent the majority of the last few months infiltrating the werewolf camps. Of course Dumbledore didn't think him a suitable guardian for a little boy.

"Let me see him," He said quietly, feeling numb. "Please, just let me see him."

Dumbledore shook his head. "I can't do that Remus."

"I can still be part of his life-"

"No." The auror who had spoken before stepped forward, brandishing his wand, red robes swirling menacingly around him. "You are an unregistered werewolf, involved with a mass murderer who is responsible for the killing of 12 innocent muggles and the Potter's friend Peter Pettigrew. You will come with me now or I will be forced to arrest you."

Remus felt hollow. He couldn't take in anymore, couldn't fathom what the auror was telling him - _Peter..._

Peter Pettigrew; shy, fiercely loyal, brave in a way that often went unnoticed. As soon as they'd met all those years ago in their first year of Hogwarts, Peter and Remus had quickly become fast friends. He had a quick wit and although he had spent most of their lives almost in awe of James and Sirius, he was always quick to bring them down a peg or two when Remus didn't, always enthusiastic to plan an elaborate prank on their fellow Marauders.

Now he was gone too, just like James and Lily.

"Mr Lupin, we need you to come with us." The auror was speaking again, holding out a pair of handcuffs.

"'Surely that won't be necessary." Dumbledore's voice was hard. "He will come willingly."

"We don't take chances with monsters. Dumbledore. Not all of us are that naïve." Another auror drawled as the first snapped the handcuffs on Remus' wrists.

As soon as the metal made contact with his skin, they sizzled and burned. Remus gasped, flinching and instinctively trying to break the cuffs hold on him.

"A special present from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures." The second auror smirked at him. "Silver and strong enough to withstand the strength of a giant. You're not going anywhere, werewolf."

The cuffs burned, already starting to leave huge red welts on the skin of his wrists. Remus felt sick, he stumbled slightly, almost blacking out from the pain. He felt two sets of hands gripping his arms and heard a gruff voice speaking, as if from far away, "We will question him tonight; if you have anything else to say you will have to take it up with the Minister, Dumbledore."

Remus barely heard Dumbledore beginning to reply before he felt the sudden lurch of apparition and he was pulled into swirling darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts, I love hearing any feedback you guys have. 
> 
> Stay safe x


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